London places crying out for minigolf

London, minigolf, crazy golf,
Now THAT’s an obstacle!

Two weeks ago we blogged about where to play minigolf in and around London this Summer. As if in response, Londonist have now speculated about places that should have a minigolf course, but don’t (yet). London being London, the possibilities are endless, but here are Londonist’s suggestions for places they’d like to see a crazy golf course, with our comments.

Hampton Court Palace Maze. Some putting holes can be labyrinthine, but this idea is to have a minigolf course in London’s biggest green maze. Mini-maze putting holes within the big maze? The mind boggles.

Hampton Court, minigolf, crazy golf
Kings and queens used to play minigolf here, you know. Or was it croquet?

The Horniman Museum, famous for its large collection of stuffed animals. It would be a ready-made dinosaur-themed adventure golf park. The exhibits aren’t actual stuffed dinosaurs, but they are suitably odd and creepy. Crazy golf taxidermy, anyone?

taxidermy, minigolf, crazy golf
Night at the Museum – with minigolf

Mail Rail. This is Royal Mail’s underground line dedicated to transporting mail across the capital, running from Paddington to Whitechapel. It’s not on the tube map, but will be opening as an attraction in Spring 2017. It transported mail from 1927 to 2003, and would make an excellent subterranean crazy golf course, but the holes would be very long if the whole system were used – at 6.5 miles, that’s a third of a mile per hole.

minigolf, rail mail, london, crazy golf hire
If there’s no space for minigolf above ground, we must go underground.

Dans le Noir. The restaurant in Farringdon where diners eat in total darkness. It would need a system a bit like that used by blind footballers, with the balls making some kind of noise. And the holes as well. Protective headgear might be an idea too.

restaurant, darkness, london, crazy golf equipment hire
This is the best photo we have of Dans le Noir’s interior.

Sky Garden. Atop the Walkie Talkie at 20 Fenchurch Street, this viewing platform and restaurant complex has plenty of space for crazy golf, and already has some exotic gardens. It’s half way there already.

london, walkie talkie, minigolf, crazy golf
The famous car-melting building would be an ideal spot for a round.

HMS Belfast. The permanently-moored ship on the Thames is a maze of ladders and companionways that would make a perfect crazy golf course. Conveniently, there are also nine decks, so one hole per deck would give an exciting half-round.

HMS Belfast, minigolf equipment hire
It would be good though, wouldn’t it?

Somerset House Fountains. The open, public-participation fountains where hot people cool off in the middle of Summer. Maybe an even better place for crazy golf than Trafalgar Square, which nearly, but not quite, got its own crazy golf makeover this Summer.

Fountain, minigolf, crazy golf hire
Imagine your ball sitting atop a water jet.

Minigolf courses can pop up in the strangest places. They’re also getting more and more popular for office parties and team-building events. One idea is for each team member, or each team, to design a hole with what’s around them in the office. We supply the balls and putters – and the putting surface if necessary – and you have the fun! Give us a call on 0845 057 321 if you have an idea for a minigolf course in an unusual place.

London crazy golf: where to play this Summer

Inspired by Henrik Stenson stealing the Open from Phil Mickelson? Want to imagine you’re holing out at the 18th at Troon to win the famous claret jug? Don’t know what we’re talking about and just want to have some putting fun? If you’re in or near London this Summer there is plenty of choice when it comes to minigolf venues, and it costs an awful lot less than golf club membership and green fees.

For a few quid a head per course you can putt your way round the capital sinking holes-in-one along with cocktails and burgers.

Let’s start in the suburbs and work our way in.

Out East there’s Moby Golf, a whale of a good time in Dagenham. It’s inspired by the whale bones that sat in the toll booth on nearby Whalebone Lane throughout the eighteenth century. Definitely in the Adventure Golf vein, this course features a lagoon dyed bright blue, an eight-metre waterfall and a giant replica sperm whale.

London crazy golf, minigolf, crazy golf
That’s a tonsil-tickler

Down South in Surrey, you can have a roaring good time at Jurassic Encounter Adventure Golf. It has animatronic dinos to put you off your stroke by bellowing at you, velociraptors in lakes of blood to give you the yips, and giant diplodoci to loom over you primordially. Why not take the old fossils along to play on a family ticket?

Dinosaur, crazy golf
Breath mints are available separately

Out West at Northolt, Dinosaur Escape has the same theme, with somewhat less scary dinosaurs as it’s firmly pitched (heh heh) at young’uns, with children’s parties actively encouraged.

crazy golf, minigolf, London
They prefer children, they’re bite-sized

And Up North you could do a lot worse than visit Barnet and … oh, it’s another Adventure Golf course full of dinosaurs. There seems to be a theme developing here. Still, kids love Dinosaur Safari Adventure Golf, and it’s an 18-holer with some really beautiful holes in amongst the obligatory giant reptiles.

crazy golf london, minigolf london, adventure golf london
Okay, I’ve hatched. Now what?

Now let’s pay our Congestion Charge and move inwards.

We’ve already told you about Swingers under the Gherkin, which is now open for business in an old wartime bunker. Try chipping out of that one, heh. It’s an 18+ venue with bars and a pretty awesome course snaking around under Shoreditch. Entry to enjoy the bars and food is free but putting tickets are a little on the pricey side at £13 for both walk-up and advance purchase.

crazy golf london
This business is bomb-proof

Along and across the river at Battersea you’ll find Putt in the Park, a rocky expanse of putting pleasure surrounded by cafés and wine bars, and not far from Battersea Park Zoo so you can get your fix of reptiles, which are for once absent from the actual crazy golf course. Genteel putting fun.

crazy golf London, minigolf London
What’s not to like?

In trendy Dalston you’ve got one of four London minigolf courses run by Plonk Golf (The others are in Hoxton, Hackney and Battersea). Push your way through the hipsters to reach EFEs Snooker Club, which houses a 200ft crazy golf course every Wednesday and Thursday. Mingle with Turks, eat kebabs and play minigolf. Cool. Like Dalston.

Crazy golf in the capital city of England, minigolf in London
Snooker’s too hard anyway

And on Brick Lane, there’s a visiting course from Manchester that has already been a huge success: Junkyard Golf. Open for three months this Summer, it’s a Heath Robinson-esque collection of slides, wendy houses, cows and treadmills. In their own words, Junkyard Golf is ‘Three nine-hole crazy golf courses of weird and twisted junk, car booty and charity shop shizzle.’ And it’s a hit.

Crazy golf London, minigolf London
A lot of thought has gone into making it look like an explosion in a scrapyard

So to play crazy golf this Summer, you don’t have to go to the coast (although you should at some point to support our seaside culture). London is chock full of putting action.